🙌 When not shaking hands is... okay?

A few weeks ago I broke my finger (netball’s a dangerous sport!)

It’s on my right hand - the handshake hand. So I’ve been skipping the usual workplace greetings. And honestly? Everyone’s been great about it. Understanding. Accommodating. No questions asked (it helps that I have no qualms about sharing what I’ve done…)

But what if I wasn’t shaking hands for a different reason - like sensory sensitivities or social anxiety? Would people be just as understanding?

Today I’m talking about:

• Info: Why greetings involving touch can be difficult for some people

• Tips: How to make greetings more inclusive in workplaces and schools

• Recommendations: Tools and reads for rethinking social norms around touch

💡When touch comes with rules

In some settings, certain greetings are the norm. A firm handshake. A hug. A clap on the shoulder. For some, these little rituals can feel like the glue of human connection.

But they’re not universally comfortable - or safe.

For many neurodivergent people, touch-based greetings can feel really challenging and uncomfortable:

• Sensory sensitivities can make physical contact feel overwhelming or even painful.

• Social anxiety can turn every interaction into a mental obstacle course.

• Past trauma may mean touch isn’t welcome - even when well-intended.

And while we tend to be understanding when someone’s in a cast or using crutches, we don’t always extend the same compassion when someone’s needs are invisible.

There’s a kind of “social hierarchy” of acceptable reasons for opting out of touch. Physical injury? No problem. Sensory overwhelm or mental health? Cue the awkward looks.

But just like my broken finger, these are real, valid reasons not to want contact. And they deserve the same respect.

This isn’t about politeness - it’s about consent, safety, and inclusion. It’s about recognising that our default ways of connecting might not work for everyone.

✅ Tips: How to make greetings more inclusive

• Ditch the assumptions. Don’t lead with a handshake - offer options. “Would you like a handshake, or would you prefer a wave?” goes a long way.

• Model choice. Greet people with a smile and a nod. Make it clear that physical touch is optional, not expected.

• Set the tone early. If you’re leading a meeting or event, explain that people can choose how they greet or connect. It gives everyone permission to opt out.

• Create visual cues. At events, try coloured stickers or badges to indicate comfort levels with touch. It removes guesswork.

• Normalise “no.” If someone pulls back from a hug or declines a handshake - respect it, move on, and don’t make it a thing.

📚 Recommendations

📘 Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price – A must-read on masking, boundaries, and the cost of social expectations.
🖼️ Choose your welcome poster – A visual tool for schools (or workplaces) to introduce choice-based connection.

🧠 Closing thought
If we can accommodate broken fingers, we can rethink broken systems too. Let’s extend compassion beyond the visible - and rethink what connection really means.

Chat next week,
Jess

PS Whenever you’re ready, here are some ways I can help:

• Join the waitlist for our next NeuroNavigator programme and become a certified Neurodiversity Champion. Doors open June 2025 for Sept start.

• Want me to speak in your organisation? Head here to book a chat and make a plan.

• Book a FREE Discovery call to chat through how I can support your workplace, your school or your family.