This season, let’s drop the pressure

As the holidays approach, messages of cheer and celebration fill our inboxes, streets, and screens. But for many people - including those who are neurodivergent - this time of year can feel like a lot. And often, too much.

So let’s take some time to consider what we can do to ease the pressure on everyone, and create a magical time of year even if it looks different to what we are told it should be!

Today I’m talking about:

There’s a lot of talk about joy, magic, and togetherness at this time of year. But there’s also… a lot.

Lots of noise. Bright lights. Last-minute changes. Pressure to socialise. Expectations to be cheerful. Routines turned upside down.

For neurodivergent people, that combination can be overwhelming. Especially when masking ramps up just to get through festive work parties, family gatherings, or school events that don’t feel built for you.

A workplace Secret Santa might seem harmless but for someone with social anxiety, executive functioning challenges, or sensory sensitivities, it can create more stress than fun. I remember starting a new job on the 1st December many years ago and having to find a present for a senior person in the team that I didn’t know at all. I panicked and bought something very random. I still shudder when I think about it and am too embarrassed to share it in this newsletter. I then watched the recipient open it in the office - they didn’t like it at all, and laughed about how ridiculous it was. I played along so no one would know it was me but I was mortified. And it’s clearly stuck with me!

Similarly, ‘popping in’ for unstructured family visits or navigating noisy, crowded shops can feel exhausting.

Even the “joyful” parts, like time off, can be destabilising when structure and predictability are what help some people feel safe.

And yet, we rarely talk about this. The dominant narrative is still: Be merry. Be social. Be grateful.

But what if we just let people be?

It’s not just many neurodivergent people who find this time of year hard.

Those who are grieving feel the absence of loved ones more keenly.
People with eating disorders may dread social meals or comments on food and bodies.
Those with chronic illness, financial worries, or difficult family dynamics might be silently struggling.

So, while festive messages tell us to come together, it’s worth remembering that some people are doing their best just to hold it together.

We’ve learned, over the years, to really tone down what we do during the holidays. We take it at our pace. The sea swim, the pub trip, the family games - whilst they’re what I imagined our Christmas days would be like, we know that it doesn’t work for us. And we now focus on spending time together in a way that enables everyone to feel safe, regulated and content.

But so many people feel the pressures to do it all - often exacerbated by social media.

You don’t need to fix everything. But small shifts in awareness, space, and language can go a long way.

Here are a few gentle things to keep in mind:

The holidays can bring joy, and they can bring grief, loneliness, and overstimulation too. It’s not one or the other.

Everyone is carrying something. So let’s be gentler with each other, and with ourselves. This season, and always.

Jess

PS Whenever you’re ready, here are some ways I can help: